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"Oh, yeah, I totally want to be respectfully choked," she offers without hesitation. (Picture successful, convertible-driving, classic-rock hot blonde.)
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Still, I should have braced myself for the full confession from Alexandra, my real-estate agent and probably the most powerful, self-confident woman I know. "There's a time and a place to be manhandled," says my best friend, "and it's so good when it's done right." Only you can determine what that dash is.Ĭolleagues blushed, friends gushed and every softball girl, dog-park lady, and oversharing waitress I asked about bedroom domination said they'd consider themselves a feminist, but they also enjoy being "thrown around a little" by their partner. To me, the thrill of a good bedroom romp is surprise and respect, with a little dash of verboten thrown in. Pain and sex, power and pleasure: These are the two sides of the same leather-tassled furry-zebra handcuffs. But there is a reason why the dom-sub erotic trilogy is an international bestseller, and believe you me, it's not for the beautiful prose.
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Of course that isn't to say that a woman who would fully reject 50 Shades doesn't exist. Actually, I couldn't find a single woman who didn't, on some level, enjoy submission, à la Anastasia-Christian Grey style. How can I be a feminist and still enjoy this? He hits me during sex and chokes me, and I actually like it. To my surprise, I have found I like to be dominated. We have been having sex for three weeks now and it gets physical. The question: I consider myself quite the feminist – I really think gender equality is very important, but sex with my new boyfriend has me questioning my feminist ways.
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Have a question? Fire away: (All questions will be published anonymously.) Welcome to Sex Qs, a weekly column where The Globe's Amberly McAteer seeks answers to your sex questions, talking to sexperts and regular Canadians alike.